photo credit: Mc Morr

Charles Latham in his antifolk song My Perfect Church offers this bit of truth-in-jesting cynicism concerning spirituality:

I pray from my toilet seat, “Make my holy life complete”

My god hears me when I speak, can yours say the same? My god lets me have my way, I can pray for it not to rain today, I can chant cars off the motor way when I’m late for work. My god grants financial miracles and the rules are always flexible, my god watches my vehicles when they’re parked in the street.

My perfect church is built only for one: where I am the priest and the congregation, my one regret is that no one can come, it’s gonna be awful lonely in this private heaven.

My god likes human sacrafise, his services demand a price and mine’s the only blood he likes, no virgin’s will do. He can’t heal me should I go blind, he can’t burn a bush or absolve my crimes, he can’t turn my water into wine but he can point me to the bar.

My perfect church is built only for one, where I alone experience salvation. My one regret is that no one can come; it’s gonna be awful lonely in this private heaven.

He gives me no creation myth, the commandments end with the fifth, the prophesies are pretty hit or miss but I don’t give a damn because every day’s a holy day and you can’t work on a holy day, my god wants me at home to pray, begging for more things.

My perfect church is built only for one, where I am the priest and the congregation, my one regret is that no one can come, it’s gonna be awful lonely in this private heaven.

There’s an MP3 of the song available on what looks to be a legit (i.e., not illegal) site.