Only Now

Written in

by

Bambalong, Cameroon

Hi there, this is Emily.

This is my first blog post since arriving in Africa.  We have been here almost 10 months and only now do I feel able to write anything of worth.  Yeah, maybe I could have told you what the kids are up to or put a local recipe on here to ease myself back in to the blogging world, but honestly, this website is too important to us/to me for some mediocre ‘here we are in Africa post”.

So, why now?  I have reached a new level of living here.  We feel settled and it’s so obvious in this really unobvious way.  We have made some Cameroonian friends, Drew has started up a weekly class teaching Hebrew to 2 locals and 1 expat, while also prepping for his next translation course.  Poppy is enjoying her French speaking school. Henry is in the throws of potty training and I have finally gotten used to not having hot water in the house and taking cold showers even when it’s actually not that hot here.

But I should back up a little and talk to you about my arrival in Africa.  I say ‘my’ because I’m gonna talk about me.  Haha.  Not the kids, not us as a family but about me.  Before we arrived here people had asked if I had been to Africa before and I didn’t need to lie….I had.  Drew and I had backpacked around Morocco on our honeymoon.  But funnily enough I remember being freaked out going there, too.  So why was I surprised when I found myself numb with too many emotions to make any sense of it?  Wishful thinking?

What I have learnt about culture shock since experiencing it is that it is extremely complicated and intricate.  It is different for everyone, it has stages that don’t always arrive in the same order and it rears its ugly head when you least expect it.  But what I think is most significant about culture shock is that it never really actually goes away.  This will never be my home.  And I will always remember something my mother-in-law comforted me with once.  “Your home is where you are with your little family”.  For all the immigrating and travelling and moving around that I have done, that is the one thing I always hold on to.  Drew reminded me of it the other day when I was being moody.  “Why are you in a bad mood?” I thought my response was safe because although it was covering up what were probably deeper issues the answer was legit. “I’m homesick,” I said.  “You are at home, here with us.”  And I knew he wasn’t trying to wind me up.  The wise words of my MIL flooded back.

I have been changed since coming here–that is certain.  But for the good or bad?  That’s another post.  I’ve limited myself to 500 words so I don’t waffle and to motivate myself to post little and often.

One response to “Only Now”

  1. JW Avatar
    JW

    You have changed. You are more beautiful than ever!

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